You know you’re a trad climber when...

All your draws are 12” long • your kid climbs harder than you do • you’ve worn out a set of cams • there is scar tissue on the back of your hands • you shave the back of your hands • you have six partially used rolls of tape in your pack • you quit sport climbing because you can’t do any of the routes • you see lots of sunrises on your climbing trips • you say, “what?” when your leader says, “take!” • your ledge is set up in your room to hold all your climbing gear • you have climbing shoes you can wear all day • you don’t care when your gym membership expires • you enjoy guilt-free eating • you don’t know what your body-fat % is • you ask your partner how much water to bring along • you do a first ascent and report the names of both members in your party • you drop your belay device and you still know how to belay • you read back-issues or mountain gazette • you know how to turn a crack ‘n up into a beak • you know what a beak is • you wake up at 2:00am to go climbing • your drill uses a hammer • you take a nap in the middle of a climb • you spend three hours removing a fixed cam • you don’t want beta • you think a bong is a type of piton • you remember when climbing gear didn’t have springs • you take a forty footer • you summit a desert tower • you know what an abalakov hook is • you still use a gear sling • there is a holster on your harness • you rappel six pitches in the dark • you rappel six pitches in the snow • you drill from a stance • you’re looking down at the birds • you own a hammer and a haul bag • you have sex on a belay ledge • you’re on day 2 of a sport climbing trip and you can’t remember what you did on day 1 • you drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit • your rack is worth more than your car • your best memories are from the epics you’ve had • you have a great day of climbing then find out you didn’t do the route you thought you did • you spend a night hanging in slings • you miss work on monday because you epic’d on sunday • a whole block of chalk fits in your chalk bag • you dump your S.O. because he just doesn’t get it • you wear out a set of jugs • you drive all night so you can climb all day • you drive all night because you climbed all day • you’re up so high the trees look like broccoli • your rack of pins is heavier than your rack of draws • your slings have knots in them • you know who larry penberthy is • you know the difference between a copperhead and a circlehead • you think “beta” is a video tape format • you can shit and and belay at the same time • you wear socks in your climbing shoes • a long approach doesn’t deter you from a good climb • a good job doesn’t deter you from a good climb • Hendrix runs through your head while you’re climbing • you coil your rope • you’ve set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack • your climbing pants don’t stretch •